Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pushy Salepeople

Today I learned a very important lesson. If a vacuum cleaner salesperson comes to your door and offers to do a free, quick demonstration; say no. Then they will argue. They will try to come up with compelling reasons to do this and make you feel bad because you are the last person they need to reach their quota. Again, say no. They will continue to try to convince you. Finally you will say yes, you may come do a QUICK demonstration; you will say this just to get the off the porch.

The problem with this strategy is that now you must let them in your house. The person who comes in is not the same that came to the door because apparently they tag team each other. He will set up the shiny vacuum and start the demonstration while trying to carry on a conversation. Then, because this young man is new, they will send in backup. Both will learn that you are 7 months pregnant and unemployed. One will compliment you on what a lovely home you have, all the while thinking, "Did they bomb the entire neighborhood, or just this house."

You will keep an eye on the clock as the QUICK demonstration carries on. Then the younger of the two will ask if he can go to the bedroom to show you all the stuff he can vacuum off your mattress. If you say no, he will argue and try to convince you otherwise. Luckily for him, his backup realizes that arguing with a pregnant lady in a hot house is not a good strategy and settles for a couch pillow. This part is supposed to disgust you, but you will be past caring at this point.

After about an hour in your home and privacy, they will be ready to do the shampooing of your carpet. At which point you will be at a cross roads. Should you tell them, "Sure go ahead, you've already taken an hour of my time, what's another 30 minutes" or "That's ok, we both know I'm not going to purchase it anyway." Go for option two. Then, they will tell you that it is a great deal at $2495, it comes with a lifetime warranty, and you can trade in your (very) old model to get that price reduced. You will think to yourself "For two grand, it had better vacuum for me!"

At this point, the best you can do is smile and say you have their information and you will consider it. Do not give any reasons as to why you can't really purchase a vacuum for that price right now. They will attempt to overcome those very sound reasons and nothing you can say will get them to stop. Once they leave, feel free to shred the information they left, bang your head against the wall, or if you are not pregnant, go for a shot of hard liquor and try to enjoy your privacy again.

So, what is the lesson I learned? AFTER YOU ANSWER THE DOOR PRETEND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, YOU ARE MENTALLY DEFICIENT, YOU ARE THE HOUSE SITTER, OR FAKE A HEART ATTACK. Whatever you do, do not engage in any type of conversation, it will be your downfall.

Please tell me somebody else out there has had this happen to them? I need a support group!